Author Archive for Warren Pfohl

Just a quick blog to invite you to join Brenda and me tonight (11/7/18) at 8:30 PM EST for a Facebook Live event. November is National Caregiver Month and David’s Refuge will be hosting 4 Empowerment sessions to encourage, teach, and support you in you role as a mom, dad, and caregiver.

It almost feels like it was yesterday.  In my mind’s eye I can see my bride, Brenda, walking down the aisle, gorgeous, white dress, veil covering her face, her dad confidently walking by her side, moments away from entrusting her to me as her husband.  It is a memory I will never forget. Twelve years … Continued

  “1988, that was the year I was born!”  Eight little words, a short sentence spoken with no malice and my heart and emotions were immediately hijacked.  Fighting back tears, I told the technician who came to fix a leak under my sink about my David who also was born in 1988.  I’m sure the … Continued

I love a great party!  People laughing, celebrating, eating and drinking, storytelling, dancing, and yelling with arms raised high as your team scores the winning touchdown.  Who doesn’t enjoy a good party?  In fact, I think we were created by God to excel at celebration.  He wants us to celebrate life, each other, events both … Continued

Today’s Blog is brought to you by Sarah Watson – David’s Refuge Event Manager   Definition: proud/ adjective 1. Feeling deep pleasure or satisfaction as a result of one’s own achievements, qualities, or possessions or those of someone with whom one is closely associated. 2. Having or showing a high or excessively high opinion of … Continued

Yesterday my doctor looked me in the eyes and said, “You have to work on your hygiene!”  No, I’m not my talking about my personal hygiene.  My appointment was with a sleep specialist who talked about the importance of good sleep hygiene.  I have struggled with sleeping for many years.  As the parent of a … Continued

  I’m working on developing a new habit.  It’s going to take time and effort, but I am confident that I will succeed.  You see,, for the past five or more years I have wasted some of the most productive hours of my day with brainless activity.  Like a gerbil running in circles on his … Continued

Today’s Blog is brought to you by Sarah Watson Year yir/ noun 1. the time taken by a planet to make one revolution around the sun. 2. the period of 365 days (or 366 days in leap years) starting from the first of January, used for reckoning time in ordinary affairs. I watched a super … Continued

“Hey Warren…wanted to text you…Just talked to doctors…test indicate positive for rhabdomyosarcoma…Finn’s cancer is back.” Come on God!  We prayed for the Schafrans.  Finn was in recovery.  He was getting better.  Life was getting back to normal.  He was gaining weight.  But now it’s back.  It’s not a cyst; it’s not scar tissue; it’s not … Continued

Apart from the occasional humorous anecdote or good-natured jab at his expense, I don’t often write about my husband. Sure, I write a lot about life and family in general, but I don’t think I have ever written about marriage or romance. Since I am guest-blogging here for the first time ON Valentine’s Day, it … Continued

I need your help!  Last year I dropped the ball big time.  I’m sitting in my office, sipping coffee, checking out what’s happening that day on Facebook, and I start noticing all these people leaving comments for Brenda.  I think to myself, “I wonder what’s causing all the excitement?”  So I click onto her Facebook … Continued

Today’s post is brought to you by Sarah Watson – David’s Refuge Events Manager Mom. What does that word mean to you? To me “mom” is pretty much everything. A name, a person, a feeling, a comfort, an emotion. Mom is wisdom, guidance, happiness, strength. The Dictionary defines mother as – Mother – mothered; mothering  … Continued

Yesterday I had the following symptoms: I had this nagging feeling I didn’t belong I was more emotional than usual I had a hard time getting motivated I was a little sad I was a little less confident than usual If you were my doctor what would your diagnosis be?  Pregnant?  I don’t think so.  … Continued

I’m back!  It was good to step back and take a few weeks off.  We enjoyed Christmas in New York with our whole family and just sent Dan and Katie back to snowy Rochester after a week with us here in Florida. We are looking forward to a great 2018.  I would like to share … Continued

  As you are reading this post we will be gathered with our family to celebrate Christmas in New York.  I can’t wait!  We will all be together on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning.  I will not be posting until the New Year.  Brenda and I pray your Christmas and holiday season is blessed and … Continued

I posted this last year and wanted to share it with you again this!  It is a great one to share with folks who ask the question, “What can we give you or do for you this holiday season?”  Merry Chrismtas. Every year a few weeks before Christmas friends and family would begin to call … Continued

Today will be my final blog entry on the “The Story of David’s Refuge.”  It has been fun, therapeutic, and at times difficult to wade through some of the more difficult parts of our story.  Thank you for taking the time to read it.  It is truly a picture of beauty coming from brokenness. In … Continued

I am not much of a shopper.  The moment I walk into a shopping mall something happens to me physically.  My eyes start to dry out.  My mind goes numb from all the choices.  And after about six minutes of watching all the people running from one store to the next with bags full of … Continued

“How can you say you are grateful for your son’s death?”  This father’s anger and grief over his son’s diagnosis was raw.  All he could see and feel as we sat in the living room was the loss, the fear, the unknown, and the dreams that would never be fulfilled.  Sadly, he misunderstood me when … Continued

It was 3:02 and our first guests had not yet arrived.  Pandora was playing a quiet jazz station.  The flower arrangement was placed in the vase in the bedroom.  The gift basket was filled with gummy bears, chocolate, cheese and crackers,  and a bottle of Pinot Noir.  Now all we needed was for the guests … Continued

  There is only way to live and never be hurt and that is to choose to never love another person.  If you are in a relationship with anyone, you will be hurt.  And the more you love that person, the deeper that hurt will go.  Unfortunately, we often enter marriage thinking if we simply … Continued

Do you remember the first “stupid” argument you got into with your spouse?  I do!  It was about whether chili is considered a soup or not.  We had only been married a few weeks and Brenda made her version of chili which included celery, not many chili beans, and spaghetti.  After taking my first cautious … Continued

I would like to introduce you to my new grandson, Asa Rowan Pfohl!  Asa and his mommy and daddy will be home in about an hour.  His brothers, Ezra and Levi, can’t wait for his arrival.  Nonnie and Poppie are a little tired but happy to be here to help and to celebrate Chris and … Continued

Today I want to introduce you to a fellow blogger, a mom of a child with special needs, a David’s Refuge guest and host, and friend, Lara Capuano.   I love her honesty, transparency, and genuine faith.  Listen to how she is described on her website: Lara also makes you feel bipolar because while you are … Continued

To stand or to kneel, a question that seems to be dividing our country.  Turn on your TV, open your Facebook News  Feed, or listen to the radio for just few moments and you will be barraged with commentary, opinion, hatred, fear and debate.  Each side vehemently believes in their perspective.  Some of the debate … Continued

Often you will hear me say we live in a beautiful yet broken world.  Sadly the brokenness surrounds us here in Bonita Spring, Florida.  Hurricane Irma was vicious and destructive.  Homes are still flooded, trees uprooted, electricity is still off for thousands, water needs to be boiled, and countless people are left wondering how they … Continued

Rocky Balboa got it!  He didn’t try to hide it; he didn’t pretend; he simply admitted he had “gaps.”  In fact, when asked by his brother-in-law Paulie Pennino why he liked Adrian so much he said, “I dunno, she’s got gaps, I got gaps, together we fill gaps.”― Sylvester Stallone-Rocky Rocky understood having “gaps” is … Continued

More often than not moms and dads who have enjoyed a weekend at David’s Refuge ask the question, “What can I do to give back?”  Our normal response is to encourage them to develop a regular rhythm of respite so they can take better care of themselves, which means they will better be able to … Continued

Without a doubt he is my best friend.  We shared a common womb, we were born on the same day, we both came to faith in a God who loved us in the same year, and we are both ordained ministers.  Sadly, we both had children whose disabilities took their lives.  There is little doubt … Continued

I spent sometime this week reading through comments our guests made after their weekend get away with David’s Refuge.  As I read them I couldn’t help but think of how proud David would be if he knew the difference his life was making in the lives of so many people.  Despite his blindness, disability, and … Continued

Do you realize you were created to make a difference?  You are a force to be reckoned with.  Out of the 7.5 billion people who call planet earth their home, there is no one just like you.  In fact, I would go so far as to say you are a masterpiece.  You have been given … Continued

A couple weeks ago Brenda started working on a puzzle.  She loves the challenge of finding all the flat pieces, forming the frame, gathering all the same colored and patterned pieces, and then fitting the 750 unique pieces into a cohesive beautiful whole.  I, on the other hand, can work on a puzzle for five … Continued

Last week I watched my nephew and my niece’s boyfriend riding a paddleboard on some very wavy water.  They balanced and paddled and battled the waves, both enjoying the challenge.  Every time a wave would knock them off they would get back on the board and try again.  I was ready for a nap after … Continued

For the past four weeks I have shared some very personal letters I wrote to David.  As Brenda helped edit my posts she would often quietly cry as she was reminded of the joy of being David’s mom yet also the pain and struggle of watching her son lose so much.  I am so glad … Continued

One of the greatest blessings I have in my life is my wife, Brenda.  For 33 years we have enjoyed the highs and lows of living together in this beautiful yet broken world.  By far the greatest challenge we have faced together was watching the devastating effects of David’s disease and his ultimate death.  It … Continued

For the next four weeks I am going to share some letters that I wrote to David near the end of his life.  One of the greatest struggles I faced as David lost more and more of his cognitive abilities was my inability to communicate to him my how much I loved him and ached … Continued

My daughter-in-law, Brittney is from California.  She pronounces apricot as “āprəkät.”  I pronounce it as “aprəkät”  Who is right?  We both are!  There is no right way.  No matter how you pronounce it, they are delicious.  The same can be said for the way we process and deal with grief and pain.  Some people store … Continued

Today I am believing in the phrase, “Shorter is Better!” Tomorrow we are returning to Florida so we can pack up and fly to Costa Rica with our church on a short term missions trip.  Seven days later we return to Florida to supervise a construction project, then fly to Door County, Wisconsin for our nieces … Continued

w How do you calculate the value of a volunteer?  According to the Corporation for National and Community Service, last year about 63 million Americans gave 8 billion hours of volunteer service worth $193 billion dollars.  That’s a lot of money and time! Eight billion ordinary people doing extraordinary things for others.  They are not paid or coerced. … Continued

Last week I was talking on the phone with a potential board member for David’s Refuge who would bring great value to our organization.  During our conversation I shared how blessed we are to have Kate Houck as our Executive Director.  Without prompting, this person said, “In all my years of working with nonprofits in the Syracuse … Continued

I want to introduce to you two good friends of mine, Jeff and Bitsy Namy.  Jeff and Bitsy have been volunteering with David’s Refuge for the past several years and have just joined our host team.  They are compassionate, selfless, and caring people who have been shaped and prepared to be excellent hosts by experiencing first … Continued

Have you ever heard of the “Bonita Bay Shuffle?”  If you had to guess, what do you think it is?  If you guessed a new dance move Brenda and I are learning out on the dance floor, you would be wrong.  If you thought it was a new card game we play at the Community … Continued

I love and hate this quote on grief. “Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love.  The only cure for grief is to grieve.”  Earl Grollman I love it because it reminds me of how much I loved … Continued

Like many of you I have a morning routine that helps me enter into the day. I get up, grind my coffee beans and make the coffee. While the coffee is brewing, I put out my vitamins for the day and set out everything to make oatmeal later in the morning.  I pour and bring Brenda … Continued

Have you ever had a day like Alexander’s, a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day?  From the moment Alexander wakes up everything goes south.  He finds gum in his hair, he trips on his skateboard, there is no prize in his box of breakfast cereal, the dentist finds a cavity, the elevator door closes … Continued

ex·haus·tion [iɡˈzôsCH(ə)n] noun a state of extreme physical or mental fatigue. the action or state of using something up or of being used up completely drained of one’s physical or mental resources PLEASE NOTE: THIS BLOG WAS WRITTEN IN A STATE OF EXHAUSTION For the past five days Brenda and I have had the privilege … Continued

For the past thirty three years I have had only one Valentine, my beautiful, wonderful, talented, godly, funny, artistic, kind, and generous best friend, Brenda Bell Pfohl.  We have lived in thirteen different homes, two countries, had three wonderful sons, lost one, changed jobs four times, started David’s Refuge together, became grandparents and are now living … Continued

On Sunday I watched a video in our church that told the story of D’Brickashaw and Kirsten Ferguson.  D’Brickashaw played left tackle for the NY Jets.  Like many of us they started life out with the dream that they would get married, buy a house, have children and live happily ever after.  Sadly brokenness entered their life when … Continued

Have you ever been really sad but at the same time filled with a sense of incredible joy?  It’s a really a strange feeling.  Yesterday an article in the Daily Orange  was published about David’s Refuge and our story of how and why we started it.  While reading it I was overwhelmed by a sudden rush of … Continued

One of my personal goals this year is to do a better job of taking care of myself.  I am slowly starting to realize that I am no longer a 23 year old man who can stay up late, eat ice cream and Doritos for dinner, and sit like a couch potato watching 4 episodes of Blue Bloods … Continued

How would you like to experience the following? Improved physical, emotional, and social well-being Greater optimism and happiness Improved feelings of connection in times of loss or crises Increased self-esteem Heightened energy levels Strengthened heart, immune system, and decreased blood pressure Improved emotional and academic intelligence Expanded capacity for forgiveness Decreased stress, anxiety, depression, and … Continued

Six years ago Brenda and I bought a pound of bacon, a dozen eggs, some fresh fruit and a gift certificate to a local restaurant to prepare for our first guests at David’s Refuge.  We were filled with a mixture of apprehension, excitement, fear, and wonder.  Would parents come?  Would we accomplish our mission of “Caring for the … Continued

Every Tuesday I sit down at my computer and ask myself the question, “What should I write about this week?”  Often I have been chewing or ruminating on a thought all week like a cow chewing its cud and I know exactly what I want to share.  Unfortunately, there are also some weeks that I shut … Continued

For some reason the video message I posted did not appear in today’s blog.   I am going to try and post it again here.  Sorry for any confusion!

2016 was a year of many changes and transitions for Brenda and me.  We are grateful for the many friends who have walked with us through both the good and the bad.  I’m closing out this year with a personal message and prayer for all of us.  May God bless you in 2017!  

Sadly, fear is a part of being human.  It is always uninvited, unwanted, and limiting.  Ask twenty five people what they fear most and more than likely each one will have something different on their list.  I have a fear of falling, very different than the fear of heights.  I can stand on the observation … Continued

Every year a few weeks before Christmas friends and family would begin to call and ask, “What can I get David for Christmas?”  Each year David would lose more of his sight, physical ability, and cognitive skills.  While his love and passion for the holiday never waivered, his ability to express what he wanted and our … Continued

I want to give you a gift.  I know you need it and want it.  In fact, your health and your ability to be a good parent, husband, wife, or best friend depends on your willingness to unwrap this gift and apply it to your life.  It’s so allusive yet vital to our wellbeing that God … Continued

It’s story time!  So grab a cup of coffee and take just a moment to find a comfortable place to sit and see if you can find the one simple lesson found in these three stories about a snow shovel,  bang bang shrimp, and a painting. The first story starts this way:  Once upon a time, in … Continued

Thursday will mark the 7th year David will not be joining us for Thanksgiving dinner.  Once again I will miss him. I miss his nonstop chatter about girls, the New York Yankees, and the Green Bay Packers. I miss being needed.  I miss cutting up his food, telling him his turkey was at 12 o’clock on … Continued

Where’s Waldo?  I’ll be honest I never liked looking for Waldo.  I would spend about 45 seconds looking for the little man with his red and white striped shirt, knit pom pom hat and glasses and give up.  While some people find it challenging and relaxing, it always stressed me out and frustrated me.  I would think … Continued

For the past three weeks my pastor in Florida has been preaching a series on the power of encouragement. Isn’t it amazing how one word of praise, an unexpected note or email, a smile or hug just at the right time can actually be life changing?  The dictionary defines encouragement as “the action of giving … Continued

Have you ever heard of Kintsugi?  It is the ancient Japanese art of mending broken objects with gold, silver or platinum.   I love the way Kintsugi artists actually embrace the brokenness of the vessel instead of trying to hide it.  They visibly incorporate the repair into the new piece resulting in something more beautiful than the … Continued

Have you ever been hijacked by the lie that you are a nobody? You begin to compare yourself to others around you and you think, “What have I ever done that has really made a difference in the world I live in?” You see people who have started successful businesses, neighbors who have prospered financially, … Continued

Every summer I went to Boy Scout camp.  While I enjoyed the hiking and fire building and working on my merit badges, I often felt a little lonely.  Night time was the worst.  I loved it when I got a letter from home.  They were always brief; filled with what mom was cooking for dinner that night, how the tomatoes … Continued

  Do you remember the first time you drove a car all by yourself?  Do you remember what you were doing and where you were when the planes hit the twin towers?  Can you recall your first kiss?  Some of our memories are seared so deeply in our heart mind and soul that they become a … Continued

Brenda and I bought our first real painting for our home in Door County, Wisconsin. It’s entitled “Mischief Afloat” by Pamela Murphy.  She is a local artist who collects old photographs and chooses figures from them for her paintings.  She oftentimes doesn’t paint the faces of the people in the photographs allowing the viewer to … Continued

Did you know that the saying “Easy Peasy” comes from the phrase “Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy?” It was coined in the 1950s in a commercial for a Sqezy, a British detergent brand which was sold in a squeeze bottle and had a lemon scent.  It simply means it is something easy to do.  No effort.  … Continued

I was a very shy boy growing up especially around girls.  One word or a question from a member of the opposite sex and my ears would begin to glow red, my tongue would grow thick, and my heart would begin to beat so hard I was sure anyone within ten feet of me could hear … Continued

This past Saturday we held our third annual Taste of David’s Refuge.  It was an elegant, extravagant, food and fun filled evening celebrating the legacy of David’s life and the impact of David’s Refuge in our community.  Our Executive Director, Kate Houck, wanted to invite someone special to be the key note speaker.  She wanted … Continued

This Friday is The Taste of David’s Refuge.  Yes its a fund raising event but it is so much more.  It’s a celebration of success, of a life giving mission being accomplished with excellence, and of a  community that believes in and loves the moms and dads we serve. But I really like to think of it … Continued

Many of you have asked how Finn is doing.  If you are interested in following their journey and want updates please follow them on their new blog  at www.finnsfans.wordpress.com.  This is a great way to communicate with them.  Lets overwhelm them with the knowledge that they are loved by God and not alone. PS: Please … Continued

For the past week many of us have been praying for Finn and his family.  Almost daily I think about them sitting down with the doctor and hearing the words, “Your son has cancer.”  The weight of those words are almost unbearable.  Every parent of a child with special needs or those who are struggling with … Continued

Cancer. Just typing the word makes me feel sick. Sadly our dear friends, Dan and BrandiLee Schafran’s little boy, Finn was just diagnosed with a rare malignant cancer called rhabdomyosarcosis. The battle has begun. Finn needs our prayers. Who are the Schafrans you ask? They are: Our friends. Wonderful parents. Followers of Christ. Guests of … Continued

I took a stress test online today and scored 443!  When I looked up what this meant it said, “You have a high or very high risk of becoming ill in the near future.”  Some of the biggies for me were the death of two close family members, retirement, and a change in residence.  Thankfully … Continued

I’m sorry but I have to boast about something today.  David’s Refuge is where it is today “Because Of” the support, hard work, and dedication of our Board of Directors.  This week Brenda and I had the privilege of taking our board out for a nice dinner at the Brae Loch to say thanks and … Continued

10 Fitch understands.  They get it.  Everyone needs a little elegance, tranquility, and romance.  Ask any guest who has stayed at this beautiful bed and breakfast and they will tell you 10 Fitch understand the importance of getting away, of unplugging, of respite.  They have mastered the art of hospitality.  On their homepage you will find the … Continued

Have you ever wondered why it is some people can walk through adversity and actually use it to become better, while others go through a trial and they become bitter?  One person takes the lemons handed them in life and turns them into lemonade.   Another person gets the same bag of lemons and they allow … Continued

This past weekend I was privileged to be a part of a panel discussion on “Caring for the Caregiver” at the 2014 Accessibility Summit.   This is an annual conference that joins families, caregivers, faith based organizations, service providers and teachers who care for and support those with disabilities.  We enjoyed meeting others who have a … Continued

Have you ever read a book that you just couldn’t put down? Each chapter draws you deeper and deeper into the story as the plot takes twists and turns you could never have imagined. It’s only when you get to the end of the book that you realize how each person, event and place fit together so … Continued

Today is Rare Disease Day.  David’s life was shortened by Battens Disease.  We know first hand the affect of living with one of these horrible diseases.   Today I am just writing to ask you to remember and pray for those who are boldly caring for and loving their family members affected by one of … Continued

“This place is beautiful.”  Even without sight David knew the potential beauty that Frog’s Whisker Lane, the birth place of David’s Refuge, contained within its borders.  On his first visit to the property David stood in the open field, wondering why we had to leave the house and neighborhood he loved.  As he stood there … Continued

This past weekend I read the following in a daily devotional I often read called Our Daily Bread: For almost 100 years, a huge piece of flawed Carrara marble lay in the courtyard of a cathedral in Florence, Italy. Then, in 1501, a young sculptor was asked to do something with it. He measured the … Continued

Today I found this beautiful video that celebrates the power and beauty of imperfection.  “Beautifully Imperfect” is a celebration of our idiosyncrasies, and how they can wind up making our relationships beautiful. In this video, a woman relays her husband’s imperfections and just what they meant to her.  Please take the time to watch it. … Continued

My youngest son Daniel is an artist.  Specifically he is a ceramicist.  He loves to make pottery.  He loves to throw, beat, mold, and shape clay. His hands, strong yet gentle, manipulate the clay as it spins on the wheel.  From a lump of ugly clay he forms and creates a masterpiece.  If you walk … Continued

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for my blog.  I thought you would enjoy seeing it.  After looking through their findings I would love to know what you would like to see more of in 2014.  May God bless all of you with health, contentment, joy, and peace as you look … Continued

In just a few weeks we will be  opening the doors for 2014!  It is going to be a very exciting year.  Our goals are: To double the number of families served To identify, train, and release 10 couples as hosts To create a long range business plan that will enable us to reach more … Continued

Today is #GivingTuesday.   One website I looked at said that it is: a movement to create a national day of giving to kick off the giving season added to the calendar on the Tuesday following Thanksgiving, Black Friday and Cyber Monday. The second annual GivingTuesday is on December 3, 2013. In the same way … Continued

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving!  My son is wrapping a turkey with bacon and then slowly roasting it with apple wood chips in his Weber grill!  Excuse me as I wipe the drool off my keyboard.  I can’t wait to sit down at their table and enjoy a meal shared with my family and friends.  I love … Continued

After weeks of anticipation our guests finally arrive at their Bed and Breakfast or Inn.  They are greeted by the Inn Keeper and shown to their room.  As they enter the room they see the fresh flowers, the gift basket, the wine, slippers, and robe.  Our goal is to overwhelm them with extravagance so that they … Continued

I love how David’s life story continues to ripple, touching and blessing and healing families.  I want to thank Jolene for giving me an opportunity to share our story about David’s Refuge.  Make sure you check out her website at: http://www.differentdream.com/ or you can follow her on Twitter at @jolenephilo. Here is the third and … Continued

“Are you serious? David is dead. For thirteen years Batten Disease robbed him of every ability he had and we are singing that all is well?” Read today’s post to see why we can say, “It is well with my soul! http://www.differentdream.com/2013/11/davids-refuge-story-pt-2-it-is-well/

Please check out this blog written by a friend of mine, Kateri Allard.  She is a nurse and gives a very interesting perspective of caregiving from a nurse’s point of view.  It is worth your time reading it. http://accordingtokateri.com/2013/10/30/caregiver-role-strain-as-evidenced-by/

Four years!  Some days it feels as if it never happened, others like it was just yesterday.  As a family we huddled together in the hospital room.  Waiting.  Praying.  Struggling.  We knew we were going to be saying good-bye very soon.  His breathing was irregular.  He no longer wanted food or water.  The meds kept … Continued